remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
