I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
