I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
