literally had 100 drinks last night.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
