if you like me you must not know who I am
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
