You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm too high and old for this...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize