i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You are a genius and a whore.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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