Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
