i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
