I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
