So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
