i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
