Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
