I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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