I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
