My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
