I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize