Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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