I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize