Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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