it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize