Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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