If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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