there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
