you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
