Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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