He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
