Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
