It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
