alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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