Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
