Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
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I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
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If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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