Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
