also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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