I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
