so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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