i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
