Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
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How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
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He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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