My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
