You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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