I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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