my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
