We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
