I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
