So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
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I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
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Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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