the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
