You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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