I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
