I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
