I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
