if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
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Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
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After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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