I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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