I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
