see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
