did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
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