she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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