I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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