Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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