its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
