We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
