I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
