Little spoons don't ask big questions
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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