Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
