I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
