I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
