I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
