I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
